A Dead Star
by SokkasFirstFangirl
Summary: No-one in Gryffindor ever became friends with Sirius because he was a Black. Isolated, neglected and bullied Sirius decides to end it all when he is thriteen and kills himself. WARNINGS: Character Death! Rated T to be safe! AU ABANDONED
1. A Dead Star

**A Dead Star**

_AN: I wrote this because I hate bullying with a passion. I knew people who were on the receiving end of it and trust me- the effects are not pretty! Also I wanted to use something popular to show how serious neglect, bullying, depression, suicide and prejudice are. _

_All of these matters are mentioned in this story. _

_Sometimes people can be sorry and want to help but that help can come too late as is shown in this story. Sirius was an easy character to work with because I think that if he didn't have friends to help him he would have ended it a long time ago..._

_Please leave me a review and tell me what I should improve on. (Emotion, description of the characters ect.)_

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_***Insert Line Here***_

_Summary: No-one in Gryffindor ever became friends with Sirius simply because he was a Black. At the age of thirteen Sirius decides to end it all and kills himself. _

_Disclaimer: I own nothing_

_***Insert Line Here***_

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He couldn't take it anymore.

Everyone hated him. Everyone in Gryffindor hated him because he was a Black.

They decided he was evil before getting to know him and bullied him. They made his life a living hell! His family hated him for being in Gryffindor and Gryffindor hated him because of his family.

The teachers knew what was happening.

How could they not when he had asked all of them for help at least five times each? The only one that listened was the Potions Master Horace Slughorn, but as the Head of Slytherin he had no control over the other Houses and was powerless to stop them, save for a few detentions if he caught someone bullying Sirius.

Even Dumbledore who was all about unity ignored his sufferings.

He had one friend, once at the end of First Year and for the beginning of Second Year. It was the game keeper Hagrid.

But then one day Hagrid wouldn't talk to him either.

He said something about being fired if he continued talking to Sirius...

Sirius wasn't sure if he should believe that...but he couldn't think of any other excuse for Hagrid to become as bad as the others.

That was why he wanted to die really; because no-one would care if he did.

It might seem strange, a thirteen year old boy wanting to die but if you lived in a world where everyone hated you, judged you before getting to know you... well then you would seriously consider it too.

**...**

Sirius walked down to the lake.

He had always liked it down there. He could just sit and stare at the water and try to forget. Sometimes it didn't work but most of the time it did.

He had a note clutched in one hand and his wand in the other.

He sat under the tree at the shore of the lake and looked at the black water.

Was he really going to do this?

Yes.

He was.

If no-one cared than why bother staying? As James Potter had said to him only hours before: _"No-one wants you Black! Not even your parents! Why don't you just die and do the world a favour?"_

Well now their wish would be granted...He would die.

He closed his eyes and pressed the wand to his temple. He had enough sadness and hatred to perform the curse that much was certain.

"Avada Kedavra!"

Sirius' body went limp and he fell backwards onto the grass, a single tear making its way down his cheek for the last time.

**...**

_THE NEXT MORNING..._

**...**

It was late in the morning.

It was a very cloudy, cold day. Hagrid wouldn't be surprised if it started raining bucket loads soon.

He walked down to the lake. It was peaceful despite the gloomy weather.

Just how he liked it.

Even he was willing to admit that the noise could get a bit annoying sometimes.

'Hold on. What's that by the shore?' Hagrid thought as he spotted a dark unmoving shape by the lake's shore and he walked closer.

When he realised that it was a student he ran to them. Were they hurt?

Hagrid cried out in shock when he realised who it was.

It was Sirius Black.

The poor kid was bullied by everyone...and he wasn't moving! He wasn't even breathing! Why wasn't he breathing?

"Sirius?" said Hagrid kneeling next to him. "Sirius wake up!"

Sirius of course did not wake.

Hagrid say the note in Sirius' hand and the wand in the other and paled, understanding the situation immediately.

"Oh no" he said tears starting to pour down his cheeks.

This couldn't be happening!

Not Sirius!

He couldn't be dead he just couldn't!

Hagrid picked him up and ran to the hospital wing.

**...**

Madame Pomfrey looked shocked when she saw them. True she didn't like Sirius either but the child looked...dead.

"What happened?" she demanded as a weeping Hagrid placed the small boy on a bed.

"H-He...he killed himself Miss!" Hagrid managed to choke out.

"What!" Pomfrey screamed in shock and horror and took Sirius' wand from his hand.

"_Prior Incantem!_" she said franticly and a burst of green light came from the tip of the wand.

Pomfrey paled looking horrified.

"Oh sweet Merlin" she said quietly. "Hagrid go get Professor Dumbledore and the Heads of House! Quickly!"

Hagrid nodded still crying and went to find Dumbledore and the other teachers.

Pomfrey looked at Sirius. She knew he was bullied. After all he had come to the hospital wing at least twice a week with some injury or another...

...And she usually just shooed him away...

...Even when he had a sprained ankle...

...Even when his head was bleeding like mad because that Longbottom boy had pushed him down the stairs...

The poor child had been crying because of the pain and all she did was give him a towel for him to hold to the wound and told him to go to his dorm to rest.

Like the rest of the castle she couldn't look past Sirius' last name...

"What have we done?" she whispered in horror as Dumbledore, McGonagall and the other Heads of House came in.

The teachers truly looked like they were seeing Sirius for the first time. Well all except for Slughorn that is.

He took one look at Sirius and started to cry as hard as Hagrid.

He had tried to convince the other Heads of House ooHHnto get their students to leave him alone but they didn't and now Sirius was dead.

McGonagall looked truly ashamed of herself.

'Some Gryffindor I am' she thought bitterly as she looked at Sirius.

"What's that note?" she asked as she spotted it still clenched in his hand.

Pomfrey jumped and grabbed the letter. She read it aloud:

**...**

_To whom this may concern-_

_I am going to kill myself. _

_I know none of you really care but I thought I should just let you know why. After all if no-one listened to me in life maybe you'll listen to me in death..._

_My home life was never great you know. _

_Since day one my brother has been the favourite of the family because he seemed to have more magical powers than me and he got along with everyone better. _

_Every day I felt like I was invisible, like I'd never be good enough..._

_Then I got my Hogwarts letter. _

_I thought "Yay! I'm getting out of here I might actually make real friends! Maybe I can prove them wrong and show them I'm good enough too!" _

_...But that wasn't going to happen was it? _

_Even though I was Sorted into Gryffindor everyone remained convinced that I was evil. _

_Wasn't the fact that I was a Gryffindor good enough?_

_Everyone in Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw made my life a living hell. The Professors knew this, I had told them on enough occasions...But they all told me to stop lying and go away. _

_Only Slytherin left me alone. _

_I believe this was because of Professor Slughorn, if so Sir, thank you._

_I ended up in the hospital wing too many times to count- or should I say I WALKED to the hospital wing too many times to count. Madame Pomfrey usually sent me away. Even when my head was bleeding so badly that I started to feel light headed she just told me to go to my dorm and rest!_

_The only person that really cared was my cousin Andromeda but eventually her House, Ravenclaw, started turning on her and she decided that they were all more important and told me to get lost that I wasn't important, that I didn't matter at all..._

_...I had never felt so betrayed._

_And that happened when I was eleven!_

_Then Hagrid became my friend... _

_And for a few months I was actually happy at this wretched school! _

_But then he said that someone threatened to fire him if he continued to be my friend. _

_I believe that this was the work of Dumbledore._

_...All I have to say to that is; Dumbledore you hypocritical bastard..._

_Didn't anyone notice that this year I didn't talk or smile at all? No of course you didn't. No-one did or if they did they just didn't care. _

_Did you know that even my parents ignore me now? _

_That only our oldest House Elf talks to me? _

_My parents only pay attention to me if they're yelling at me. _

_So no-one cares no-one at all. _

_But I'm fine with that because lately I don't care about any of you either. _

_What's the point in hoping that you'll all suddenly change and my life will be great?_

_So I decided that there's no point in living...Not if I'm alone. _

_Goodbye. I hope you're all happy, you reap what you sow!_

_Sincerely- _

_Sirius Orion Black _

_P.S- Mum, Dad I'm sorry I couldn't be perfect like Regulus, but I tried, I really did. I love you._

**...**

There was silence for a few moments.

McGonagall and Sprout had tears pouring down their cheeks.

Slughorn noticed this and glared at them.

"Don't you dare" he growled at them furiously. "Don't you dare cry for him! You have no right! I tried to tell you! I tried to warn you! But did you listen to me when I told you he was miserable? Did you listen when I asked you to get your students to leave him alone? NO! YOU DIDN'T! You left him alone and he killed himself! I hope you're happy now because it's too late to say you're sorry!"

Slughorn took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

"I'm going to tell Sirius' parents what's happened. And I'm going to tell them the truth about how Sirius was treated here and I'm going to show them that letter" he said.

He took the letter from Pomfrey.

"Just so none of you can change it" he said stiffly and walked out of the hospital wing.

**...**

The teachers and Pomfrey stood where they were seemingly frozen.

They felt horrible for not doing anything...

They had no idea how Sirius really felt. They never bothered to get to know him. They never helped him...

...He was gone now...

They could only hope that he was finally happy because they sure weren't.

They had never felt more ashamed of themselves...how could they call themselves teachers if they let a student die? How could they call themselves teachers if they let a student be bullied because of their own silly prejudices?

Easy answer; they couldn't.

It was as Slughorn said, they had no right...

...No right at all...

**...**

An hour later Walburga and Orion Black came in with twelve year old Regulus.

Regulus stared at Sirius as though he expected him to disappear at any moment.

Orion shook his head in shame and looked down at his feet. Guilt was eating at him from the inside out. His son was dead. He couldn't believe it. He felt like it was his fault...he should have listened to him...he should have shown Sirius that he cared about him...

...But he didn't. It was already the greatest regret of his life.

Walburga's reaction was the most surprising.

She cried...She actually cried.

She sat on the edge of Sirius' bed clutching her oldest son and begging him to open his eyes.

Her sobs heartbreaking.

How could she not have noticed? He was her baby, he was her son, her heir and she failed him!

He was dead because they neglected him and now she'd never get to tell him how sorry she was...

What had they done?

**...**

**A/N: More coming soon. There's gonna be reactions from everyone! I guess this can be taken as a "Stop Bullying" story because people do kill themselves because of it y'know. **

**:( **

**:'(**

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	2. Severus Snape's Reaction

_And now we are moving onto the reactions of Sirius' death. Please tell me what you think. Everyone is going to have their own chapter. :)_

_Enjoy!_

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**Disclaimer- I own nothing**

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_Reactions- Severus Snape_

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He had never taken much notice of Sirius Black.

In fact he had almost forgotten that there even _was _a student by the name of Sirius Black. He just seemed to fade into the background easily...

But Severus remembered his first day at Hogwarts as though it were yesterday. Sirius had looked so happy and bright with a big excited grin on his face. The grin was infectious and he couldn't help but smile too.

But then Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor and suddenly he seemed to fade out of sight. He wasn't important anymore...

Everyone in Gryffindor bullied him and McGonagall, the Gryffindor Head of House, did nothing to stop it. It made Severus want to punch them all and yell at them. What did they think they were doing? Sirius had done nothing wrong! Why didn't they give him a chance?

But the months passed and Severus made friends with the boys from Slytherin and ignored the Gryffindors...perhaps he should have spoken with Sirius, perhaps he should have invited him to join their group but Severus was just too happy and excited about finally learning magic that he too ignored Sirius Black's very existence...

He truly regretted that now.

He wished he had known him better.

He had seemed like an interesting enough person.

But he didn't do anything to help...No-one did.

Maybe he should have.

Maybe then he'd still be here.

But he didn't.

He never even had a proper conversation with the boy!

And Lily...he knew that Lily helped bully Sirius.

Severus hated bullying, he should have stopped Lily, he should have told her that he wouldn't be her friend anymore if she didn't stop...

But he really, _really _liked Lily. He _loved _her!

And so he let her continue making Sirius Black's life a misery.

He pretended that nothing was wrong.

He pretended that everything would sort itself out and everything would be just fine and dandy...

And now Sirius was dead at age thirteen by his own hands.

When he first heard he hadn't understood why Sirius had ended his own life.

Sure people bullied him but surely his family loved him?

Surely they listened to him?

Surely they understood his problems?

But as it turned out Sirius' family didn't pay any attention to Sirius at all. Severus felt over whelming pity for Sirius when he learned this. After all his own mother ignored him and his father abused him...

...But at least he had friends...

Sirius didn't have any of that...He was completely alone...

Well not entirely. He had been friends with Hagrid hadn't he?

And come to that why had Hagrid suddenly stopped being friends with Sirius? Why did he abandon him when Sirius so obviously needed someone to care for him?

Who knew?

Who cared?

All anyone cared about right now was that a child was dead.

Severus was disgusted with the teachers, well except for Slughorn he had always tried to help Sirius in any way he could.

For the first time in years Severus wanted to punch all the Gryffindors and the teachers and yell at them until his throat was raw and until he was red in the face and panting for breath.

How dare they insult Sirius' memory by feeling guilty _now _when he was dead and gone?

How dare they finally pay attention when it was far too late?

Even if Sirius hadn't killed himself Severus was sure that he wouldn't have forgiven any of them.

**...**

Severus looked around the Great Hall.

Narcissa Black, Bellatrix Black, Lucius Malfoy, Rodolphus and Rabastan Lestrange were huddled together at the end of the Slytherin table. They looked as though they hadn't slept properly the night before, which they probably hadn't.

He looked at the Gryffindors who were uncharacteristically silent and had their heads bent. So they finally understood that they were awful prejudiced gits eh? Good. They deserved every ounce of guilt and more!

He looked at the Ravenclaws who were all throwing concerned looks at Andromeda Black. Severus scowled. How dare they act so concerned when they were the ones who got Andromeda to abandon Sirius in the first place?

Speaking of Andromeda she was determinedly ignoring her friend's concerned glances and was hunched over her arms wrapped around herself as though she had a bad stomach ache and her shoulders were shaking.

'Oh sure' Severus thought '_Now _she's sorry when she knows her cousin is gone forever!'

He looked at McGonagall and wanted to strangle her. Her eyes were overly bright with tears and she was ashen pale and she too looked as though she hadn't slept properly. What was with these people? Why were they sorry now when it was too late? It was insulting!

**...**

Severus grabbed his school bag and stormed back to the Slytherin Common Room and plopped down on one of the sofas.

He buried his face in his hands still fuming with anger, but perhaps he was only angry so that he wouldn't have to focus on his own guilt which was eating at him from the inside out. It made him want to scream and cry but he couldn't because he didn't have the right...And besides what good would his tears do? Tears weren't going to bring Sirius back, they weren't going to make everything better, they weren't going to reverse time so that everyone would have a second chance and be nice to Sirius...

Sure no-one in Slytherin bullied Sirius but they never made friends with him. They just acted like he wasn't there...So did Severus. He truly had almost forgotten that Sirius even existed.

Severus sighed. What had they done?

He walked into his dorm and flopped tiredly onto his bed.

He remembered a Muggle quote that he had read at his local library:

_Where there is love, there is life._

But there was no love for Sirius Black...

...And therefore no life...

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**A/N: Well? What do you think? I hope it's good. Please tell me!**


	3. Moaning Myrtle's Reaction

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_Thanks to for your review on Snape's chapter you made my day! _

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_Disclaimer- I own nothing! _

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_Listening to- Dear Mr President by P!NK_

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**Reactions- Moaning Myrtle**

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She had only met Sirius Black once and he had seemed nice enough.

Those stupid boys in Gryffindor (mainly Potter) had said something to upset him so much that he had ran into her bathroom crying.

She felt sympathetic towards him- she knew what it was like to run from your own classmates crying, so she asked him what was wrong and talked with him for a while.

He was actually really sweet.

He was one of the few people in this castle that she liked. She couldn't help it, he was so nice.

She didn't understand what everyone had against him, after all he hadn't done anything to them...but everyone in the castle, students and teachers, were punishing him for what his ancestors did.

It wasn't like he asked for it!

It wasn't like he told his relatives to hate Muggleborns!

Myrtle sighed as she looked around her dirty, empty bathroom.

Try as she might she just couldn't shake the memory of the little eleven year old sitting beside the sinks crying.

**...**

They were actually a lot alike come to think of it.

She had been bullied because she was a Muggleborn, because she was a Hufflepuff and because of her appearance.

She had thin lank hair and wasn't exactly what you would call pretty, she was short, a little on the chubby side and had large glasses and quite frankly didn't do too well in classes either.

And so everyone mocked her.

They called her Retard, Stupid and Pea Brain.

They called her Ugly.

They called her Fatty.

They called her Shorty.

They called her Four Eyes.

And they called her Moaning Myrtle when she tried to get the Professor's to help her.

They pushed her down the stairs, they pulled her hair, they stole her glasses and sometimes they threw her books in the lake...

It was all so horrible, she didn't have a single friend, no-one cared about her at Hogwarts...

And then she died.

She was crying in the bathroom, she heard a boy speak in some weird language, opened the stall and saw a big pair of bright yellow eyes and BOOM! Just like that Myrtle was dead.

And _then _people cared, _then _the teachers were sorry for letting the bullying continue!

She was furious at them.

What right did they have to be sorry for her now?

And now the same thing had happened to Sirius Black.

Only she knew he had it worse. Much worse actually.

The people bullying her never hurt her so badly that she had to go to the Hospital Wing but that happened to Sirius...only Madame Pomfrey never helped. She had heard from the Fat Friar that she never helped.

And again she was disgusted at the staff of Hogwarts. They really hadn't changed a bit had they?

They made Sirius Black's life a misery, they broke him, ruined him and thorn him asunder, they drove him to _suicide _for God's sake! How could they look themselves in the mirror?

And no-one even realised he was missing until Hagrid found his body.

Poor Hagrid.

He had been the boy's friend but then he suddenly stopped (on Dumbledore's orders according to the Grey Lady) and he had been the one to find the teenager's body at the edge of the lake.

And now suddenly everyone cared about Sirius.

The Gryffindor's were sombre and seemed to be trying to put the blame on someone else, anyone else.

So far, of course, they were blaming the Slytherins even though the Slytherins had never bullied Sirius. They just ignored him apparently. At least that's what the Peeves had been saying to anyone who would listen be they ghost or student.

But he might have wanted to start more trouble.

Although come to think of it Peeves had been unusually quiet since Sirius Black was found dead.

Maybe he was telling the truth.

**...**

If so Myrtle hated Dumbledore for ordering Hagrid to not be friends with Sirius.

In Myrtle's mind Dumbledore was the reason that Sirius died.

If Dumbledore had allowed Hagrid to remain friends with Sirius then maybe, just maybe, Sirius would have been able to hang on and finish Hogwarts and leave and finally find people who truly cared about him.

Who knew?

Myrtle rose from the toilet and floated down the Great Hall where they were holding a small memorial service.

**...**

Myrtle looked around the room. All the ghosts were at the back of the room, too disgusted to sit at their House tables so she stayed at the back too.

Nearly-Headless Nick looked appalled and ashamed. He hadn't even gone near Gryffindor Tower since he found out that the other Gryffindors had basically killed one of their own.

The Grey Lady was floating in a corner not making eye contact with anybody, though Myrtle suspected that she was crying. Who could blame her? The Grey Lady did not take bullying and death easily. It was just part of her personality and Myrtle knew that if the Grey Lady had been alive she would have stopped Ravenclaw House from bullying Sirius.

The Bloody Baron was floating near the Slytherin table, the only House that didn't make Sirius' life a misery. Not that they were guiltless. They should have helped but then again Slytherins always looked after themselves and Sirius Black hadn't been a Slytherin. He had been a Gryffindor. And Myrtle knew, that given the chance he would have been a great one.

The Fat Friar was actually glaring at the Hufflepuffs. He was furious with them all and had given them a good stern talking to; after all Hufflepuffs were meant to stand for friendship and loyalty.

They hadn't been friendly or loyal lately though had they?

Peeves was unusually quiet and serious. He wasn't even smiling or trying to lighten the mood.

He hadn't pulled one prank or given anyone trouble since Sirius died...well, he had pranked Dumbledore spectacularly when he found out that he had forbidden Hagrid to be friends with Sirius.

Despite Peeves' flaws even he knew when someone was taking a joke too far.

The ghosts of Hogwarts had never had anything against Sirius, they hated that everyone was being so prejudiced but they were ghosts.

What could they do?

**...**

Myrtle shook her head to rid herself of the image of Sirius crying in her bathroom.

His death was making her revisit her own death and the memories were not nice!

Dumbledore rose to speak about Sirius and Myrtle glared at him along with the rest of the ghosts. They had lost all respect for him, he had let a child die, he was as bad as that Voldemort guy that everyone was so afraid of!

Myrtle looked away from the shame filled students and teachers and left the room.

History was repeating itself.

How long would it take before all this bullying finally stopped?

...They never learned from their mistakes did they?

**...**

**A/N: Ah Moaning Myrtle. This was fun to write! Again thanks to for your review :)**


	4. Peter Pettigrew's Reaction

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_Hello everyone! _

_Thank you so much for your reviews!_

_:) _

_This chapter is dedicated to anyone who has ever been bullied. If you are currently being bullied, tell a parent, teacher or an adult you can trust: believe it or not they usually can sort it out! I swear they can, my best friend in Primary School went through the same thing._

_Good luck! :)_

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_Listening to- Sweet Sacrifice- Evanescence_

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**Reactions- Peter Pettigrew**

**...**

Peter Pettigrew was in shock.

That was the only way to describe what he felt right now; complete and utter shock.

He couldn't believe it- they had driven Sirius Black to _suicide!_

He felt numb all over, he didn't know what to do, what to say, what to think. He wished someone would just _tell _him what to do. That would make things so much easier...

**...**

He looked at his friends who were all pale.

They seemed shocked too.

James was staring at his lap tugging at his messy black hair as though he thought it would help him make sense of the situation.

Remus was simply staring at the wall, not moving, barely blinking.

Frank was slumped in his seat, twirling his fork in a circle on the table. His brown eyes were narrowed in slits and he seemed deep in thought.

Benjy was unusually quiet. He wasn't talking or trying to lighten the mood. The only sound he made was the occasional sigh.

**...**

Peter knew what they were feeling; unimaginable guilt.

And he knew why they were feeling guilty; they were the ones who bullied Sirius the most and they were the last people to see him alive, or more specifically James was. None of them knew what it was James had said to Sirius but it seemed to have pushed Sirius over the edge.

Peter knew James was beating himself up over that.

Peter shook his head in guilt. He knew that if he wasn't friends with the guys, then he probably would have been in the same position as Sirius...

And that scared him more than anything.

Death terrified him.

**...**

Peter walked up to Gryffindor Tower slowly as though he was sleepwalking. It was as fast as he was capable of going as of late. The shock seemed to be slowing him down.

He walked into the dorm and sat on the edge of his bed. He looked around the room. Sirius' things were missing (not that he seemed to have many things anyway) and his bed had been stripped clean.

The room seemed strangely empty without Sirius' things or Sirius himself in it.

Funny how you don't realise how important a person is until it's too late to truly appreciate them.

**...**

He couldn't believe that they didn't even realise Sirius was missing that night. They had stayed up very late and Sirius wasn't there which was certainly strange.

Then they woke up and Sirius wasn't there. That was even stranger. Benjy had just shrugged off Remus' worries and said "The eejit is probably at breakfast don't worry about that worthless shit Remy."

Peter winced. Sirius had committed suicide and just minutes before they had found out they had been making fun of him...

And then they walked down to breakfast.

And again Sirius was nowhere in sight.

Peter was starting to get worried too; maybe Remus was right, maybe something was wrong with Sirius...

But then breakfast was laid out on the table and he tucked in and forgot about the nagging feeling in the back of his mind.

And then they went to class (Charms) and Sirius still wasn't there.

This time Peter voiced his worries and James brushed him aside saying "Good Lord Peter why are you worrying about that git? Black was probably too scared to show up to class of something!"

"But James he wasn't even in the dorm!" Peter protested. "You have to admit that's weird!"

James shrugged casually. "He probably went to the Astronomy Tower or something Peter. Just drop it, it doesn't matter."

"But James-"

"Peter shut up" said Frank and that was the end of it.

And then McGonagall came in and for five minutes class went as usual but then Hagrid came running in, whispered something to McGonagall who paled and ordered the class to go back to their respective Common Rooms.

And Peter knew something was seriously wrong.

Did it have something to do with Sirius?

Sadly it did.

About an hour later McGonagall told them all that Sirius was dead, that he had killed himself.

There was silence in Gryffindor Tower as everyone let the information sink in.

Sirius was dead; and it was all their fault! They did this! They killed him!

Peter sighed. He didn't know what to do!

He looked at the spare parchment and quill on his trunk and got an idea.

His mother once told him that if he couldn't say what he wanted to say out loud then he should write it down and get his feelings out that way!

So he grabbed the quill and parchment, pulled and bottle of ink out of his bag and started writing...

**...**

_Dear Sirius_

_I know that I can never make up for what I did to you. I know that a simple "sorry" won't cut it, because what I did can't be forgiven immediately right?_

_But the fact of the matter is I __am __sorry Sirius. _

_I'm sorry that I bullied you, I'm sorry that I never helped you or even had a decent conversation with you._

_You should see everyone's reactions: all us Gryffindors are basically drowning in guilt, the Slytherins are telling us all "We hope you're happy, you're no better than us now!" The Ravenclaws are trying to stop your cousin Andromeda from crying so much, they are trying to help her and the Hufflepuffs seem very ashamed of themselves._

_But I don't care about how they feel._

_I want to know how __you __feel Sirius. Or rather how you felt..._

_How did you feel when we bullied you?_

_How did you feel when the teachers ignored you?_

_How did you feel when your parents wouldn't help you?_

_How did you feel when your cousins and brother turned on you too?_

_How did you feel when Hagrid turned on you?_

_How did you feel on your final day on Earth?_

_How did you feel just before you cast the Killing Curse on yourself?_

_And most importantly: when did the thoughts of suicide start?_

_That's what I want to know most. When did these thoughts start and what made you think of that anyway?_

_Sure we bullied you, but how did suicide pop to mind? That's what I want to know. That's what we all want to know._

_Oh Sirius, why did you never stand up for yourself? _

_Why did you never fight back?_

_I have to wonder, did you think that you deserved it? Did you? Because looking back you did NOT deserve it Sirius!_

_Did you ever forgive us?_

_If you did we didn't deserve your forgiveness, I see that now._

_I am so sorry Sirius._

_I will never be able to tell you this face to face, but I truly am sorry!_

_I hope you're finally at peace and I hope no-one is bullying you in Heaven. _

_Have fun Sirius, if anyone deserves some fun it's you._

_I won't ask for forgiveness, even though I am sorry, I won't ask for forgiveness because I don't deserve your forgiveness, none of us do..._

_Rest in peace Sirius_

_-Peter Pettigrew._

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Peter stared down at the parchment.

At least he got his feelings out in some way...

He tucked the letter into his bag, vowing to never show it to anyone...

He would later place the letter in Sirius Black's coffin, praying that some day he would be forgiven.

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**A/N: I don't really like Pettigrew and considering that I don't like him he was hard to work with but the letter idea has been bothering me all week and eventually I decided to let Pettigrew write the letter to Sirius. Best I could do. Please review!**


	5. Remus Lupin's Reaction

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_Hello! Here's another update, enjoy :)_

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**Disclaimer- I own nothing!**

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**Listening to- Everybody Hurts- Avril Lavigne**

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_Reactions- Remus Lupin_

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He knew children could die but he never thought he would experience a child his age dying.

Death seemed like an alien thing to him, something the adults did, something the children didn't have to think about.

And yet Sirius Black was dead. He was only thirteen and yet he had done something so grown up and dramatic as dying.

Remus just couldn't wrap his head around it.

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Presently Remus was sitting at the Gryffindor table with his friends James, Frank and Benjy. Peter had gone back up to the dormitory.

Everyone seemed to be drifting apart in Gryffindor.

Even the strongest friendships had weakened when they all realised what they had done.

**...**

Remus remembered when his friends had found out he was a werewolf in Second Year.

He was so afraid that they would abandon him, or that they would tell the whole school what he was...

But they didn't.

They stuck by him, and made him feel like he mattered.

And he remembered when Sirius Black had found out that he was a werewolf in First Year...

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They were both in the dorm alone, James, Frank, Benjy and Peter had gone to cause some mischief and Remus was ignoring Sirius.

And then, quite suddenly Sirius spoke (it was one of the few times Remus had heard him speak, he had almost forgotten that Sirius was capable of speech), he said, quite calmly, without looking up from his book; "I know what you are Lupin."

"W-what?" Remus had spluttered in confusion.

"I know you are werewolf" said Sirius calmly as he turned a page in his book. "It was rather obvious. You really ought to come up with better excuses as to why you disappear every full moon."

"I...I...oh" was all Remus was capable of saying. And then; "Are you going to tell?"

Sirius shrugged. "Why would I?" he asked. "It's your secret, not mine."

"But you're a Black!" Remus blurted out before he could stop himself.

Sirius snapped his book shut, looked up and gave Remus a hard, searching look as though trying to figure out if Remus was serious or not and then said very coldly "And _what _may I ask does _that _have to do with anything?"

And with that Sirius stuffed his book into his bag and left the room, not sparing Remus another glance.

Remus didn't get much sleep that night as he mulled over Sirius' words.

**...**

And just at the beginning of this year Remus was sitting in the dorm, finishing some homework when Sirius came in.

His head was bleeding, his cheeks were damp with tears and he was holding a towel to his head.

He flopped down onto his bed and pulled the curtains shut.

Remus looked at the closed curtains biting his lip nervously. What had happened to him?

"Um..." he hesitated and then continued "Sirius...what happened?"

"Your dear old pal Longbottom pushed me down the stairs!" came the reply from behind the curtains.

"Then why don't you go to Madame Pomfrey?" Remus asked.

"I _did_" said Sirius. "Where do you think I got this bloody towel from?"

"You mean Madame Pomfrey didn't help you?" Remus asked shocked.

"No" scoffed Sirius. "She never does!"

Remus didn't say anything.

He was trying to convince himself that Sirius was lying.

Madame Pomfrey always helped no matter who the student was...

Right?

She wouldn't just send Sirius away when his head was bleeding so much! He might pass out!

Sirius was lying...

Right?

**...**

Remus sighed. Sirius hadn't been lying.

As Remus looked around the Great Hall he thought none of them had the right to be sitting there, living and breathing when they ruined someone so much that they killed themselves.

Because that's what they had done.

They had let their prejudices blind them and they had killed a young boy.

They had killed someone who only wanted to be accepted.

But they refused to accept him, they refused to let him in.

And now they were paying the price.

Because Remus knew that no matter what they said or did nothing could ever make up for what they did to Sirius.

They would have to live with the guilt for the rest of their days.

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**A/N: And there we have it! I hate making Remus the bad guy because I love him so much, he's awesome sauce but...well it was necessary. Please tell me what you think.**


	6. Lily Evans' Reaction

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_Hi guys! Here's another chapter. _

_This story is going better than I thought it would! _

_Apparently I've made people cry...I fell rather guilty about that..._

_So here is Lily's chapter! Another difficult one considering Lily is one of my heroines!_

_Forgive me fellow Lily fans!_

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**Reactions- Lily Evans**

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**Disclaimer- I own nothing!**

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**Listening to- Nobody's Home- Avril Lavigne**

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To put it simply Lily felt like crap.

She couldn't believe that Sirius Black was dead. And they had killed him!

Sure officially it was suicide but if they had left him alone or tried to be friends with him he wouldn't have killed himself. He would have grown up normal and happy, graduated from Hogwarts and gotten a job somewhere...

But no. They had basically denied him his right to exist and he had killed himself.

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Lily had always hated bullying. So why had she bullied Sirius?

The answer was quite simple- she was afraid.

She was Muggleborn and just wanted to fit in. Everyone bullied Sirius, so if that was the only way to fit in she would do it.

And she did do it and look where it had gotten her.

**...**

The guilt made her want to cry her eyes out.

She wanted to say sorry, to scream it to the world but the world wasn't enough, the one person who needed to hear the words 'I'm sorry' was out of her reach forever...

She remembered exactly what happened the day Sirius left them all forever; the bullying had been ten times worse than usual as though everyone wanted to get as much bullying in as they could before he was gone.

Perhaps that's what broke him?

Or perhaps all those pent up emotions became too much?

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Tomorrow Dumbledore would be sending them all home and they'd come back for the funeral (that is if they were allowed there, Lily doubted they would be) and then life would continue as normal and the memory of Sirius would eventually fade...

No, no that wasn't right. His memory would never fade, life would never be normal again...Not with the unbearable guilt hanging over their heads.

Lily's friend Alice Prewett spoke up; "Girls we're murders!" she said in horror.

Marlene McKinnon nodded in glum agreement. "Yeah" she said quietly, "We are."

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**Back at the Evans' house**

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Lily sat in the living room hunched up on the sofa.

Her father, Luke was at work, her mother Violet was in the kitchen and her older sister Petunia was upstairs doing God knows what.

Only her parents knew why she was home so early, but even they only had a faint idea, Petunia had no clue what was going on.

So Lily wasn't surprised when Petunia sat next to her and positively demanded to know what was going on and why Lily was so upset.

Lily couldn't hold it in anymore- she broke down crying and wailed the whole story to Petunia.

She told her how they all treated Sirius.

She told her how she herself treated him.

She told her that Sirius killed himself.

She told her how guilty she felt.

Lily wanted Petunia to hug her, to tell her everything would be fine eventually but she didn't.

Petunia was looking at her with...disgust?

"So you helped bully him" she said flatly.

"Y-yes" sobbed Lily.

"Even though you hate bullying" said Petunia, "Even though you were bullied in Primary school."

Lily nodded.

Petunia scowled. "You are horrible Lily! You're worse than those kids in Primary school! You make me sick!" she snarled and stormed back upstairs.

**...**

Lily cried harder than ever.

Petunia was right, Lily was horrible.

She had bullied someone even though she knew what it felt like, even though she hated bullying, even though she had nothing against Sirius...

Lily had become the very thing she hated.

She had become a bully.

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**A/N: Yeah, that was rather short but I swear Regulus' and Walburga's will be long and so will Hagrid's! I promise it! Please review!**


	7. Alice Prewett's Reaction

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_And yet another update!_

_:)_

_I really should update A Mixed Up Destiny shouldn't I?_

_Aw well, I'll do that later _

_^.^_

_And again thank you so much for the reviews! _

_Seriously I've made people cry? Oh dear! _

_Sorry about that, you all make me feel guilty._

_On a lighter note I finally bought the Alice In Wonderland book!_

_That is completely off topic... ^.^_

_Enjoy!_

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**Listening to- Who Knew- P!NK**

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**Disclaimer- Sadly I own nothing. I really wish I did, but I don't. :(**

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**Reactions- Alice Prewett**

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Everyone thought that James Potter was the last one to see Sirius Black alive but they were wrong.

It was her.

She had been walking back to the Common Room (she had been in the library studying for a Potions exam) when Sirius stormed past her.

His eyes had been bright, too bright, and he was much paler than usual and he had a sheet of parchment clutched tightly in his left hand and his wand in his right.

At the time she hadn't fully taken in how sad he seemed, how defeated he looked.

But at the same time he looked determined.

How could she not have seen it?

Why else would he have looked so hopeless, so alone?

**...**

Alice wished she could turn back time to that day and drag Sirius back to the Gryffindor Common Room.

But...would he have listened to anything she said to him?

If she had spoken at that time would he have ignored her and kept walking?

Or would he have stopped and talked to her?

Would he have gone back to the Common Room with her?

Perhaps none of this would have happened if he had?

But no. It would have happened anyway, Alice knew that.

Even if she _had _convinced him to go back to the Common Room that night, he would have killed himself another night when he knew no-one would be around.

So it was useless hoping, it was useless wishing because Alice knew there were only so many times a person could break before they couldn't be fixed again.

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'When had the thoughts of suicide started?' Alice thought to herself as she packed her trunk. 'Had they started just that year?'

Perhaps they started after Fenwick and Potter threw his things in the lake?

Or maybe when his brother started to ignore him too?

Or (and this was the scariest thought) had they started in First Year, when Andromeda abandoned him and Potter was at his worst?

Alice stopped packing and sat down on her bed, sorting through her (admittedly morbid) thoughts.

**...**

Alice knew she should stop thinking like this but she couldn't help it. It was all she could think about.

She didn't want to keep thinking about it, but she did. Sirius' suicide kept invading her thoughts no matter how much she tried to carry on as normal.

Alice had to act normal because she was the comic relief among her trio of friends. If she stopped giggling and joking then it would make everything even scarier...but...

Alice sighed. She couldn't keep joking and giggling anymore.

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**At The Prewett Household**

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Alice parents were disappointed in her, she knew that, but at least they didn't keep badgering her about it.

That much she was grateful for, but at the same time she wished they would yell at her, make their disappointment and anger known, because the silence was almost unbearable.

Alice's grandmother was also staying at their house.

She acted like she normally acted, drinking Firewhiskey, smoking, joking, telling Alice to dress up a bit more and not slouch, basically acting like her usual feminist self.

But at the same time she saw the glances she shot Alice's grandparents and Alice had to wonder if she was the reason her parents didn't yell at her.

If that was the case Alice was both thankful and annoyed.

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"Ally can you come here for a moment honey?" Alice's grandmother called from her guest room.

"Coming, Gran!" Alice called, mentally noting that her grandmother must have something important to say if she was calling her 'Ally' and 'honey.'

Alice walked into the guest room to see her grandmother sitting on the armchair near the window.

Her grandmother was dressed as usual- a large furry coat, tight skirt, tights and high heels. She wasn't that old and certainly didn't _look _old so she got away with wearing anything.

As usual there was a glass of Firewhiskey on the table next to the armchair.

"C'mon over here" said he grandmother patting the arm of the armchair and Alice dutifully sat on it fiddling with the hem of her skirt and biting her lower lip.

She knew where this conversation was going.

"Don't bite your lips dear" said her grandmother casually taking a swig of Firewhiskey and after she sat it down she looked Alice straight in the eye and said very seriously; "Do you feel guilty about bullying that boy?"

Alice couldn't help it- she burst into tears nodding.

"Yes" she sobbed. "Yes I feel guilty, I feel horrible, I wish _I _were dead, Sirius shouldn't be dead, we all should! We deserve it! He didn't do anything to us but we treated him like crap just because of his last name! We're no better than the pureblood bigots we hate!"

Alice's grandmother nodded.

"Yes" she said simply, "I suppose you're right about all that. But listen to me Alice Jade Prewett- if you feel guilty then you are better than the bigots. They feel no remorse when someone dies. I just wanted to make sure that you _are _better than them. And I think you're wrong about the Black's dear. I've seen that boy's mother in Diagon Alley, she looks no better than a zombie, bursting into tears at the most random moments!"

Alice cried harder at the image that sentence conjured in her mind.

"But as you said you feel guilty...I think you'll be forgiven eventually. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even this year- but someday Sirius will forgive you and the Black's will forgive you" said her grandmother and she held out her arms, "Come here kiddo, you need a hug."

And Alice fell, sobbing into her grandmother's arms hoping that what she said was true...

Maybe one day she would be forgiven.

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even that year, but someday...someday they would move on, someday she would be forgiven.

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**A/N: And there it is. Alice's chapter! I based her grandmother loosely on Grandma Lynn from The Lovely Bones because I simply adore that woman! Her parts in the book never failed to make me smile :) And I don't know what Alice's maiden name is, so I just used Molly's ^.^ Please review!**


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